#1 Winter Hawks

Although Portland is known for short, mild Winters, it’s not known for the Winter Hawks. From injuries to sheer guts, the Winter Hawks have taken Portland to a new level of low… below Seattle. This site, like the Winter Hawks, is an effort to show you how fun a sucky city can be.

To give you an example of the Winter Hawks magical ability to suck, in 2007-08 season they dropped 20 games in a row. After losing so many major junior Western Hockey League playoff games in years past, they decided to skip out on the playoffs all together in the ’06-’07 season. Sucking soo hard, finally took it’s toll.

In the beginning, the Winter Hawks were looked upon as a pioneers in the budding Junior Hockey League. They were the first American team to move from Canada not to mention the inventors of “Dash for Cash”*. Now they are discovering new ways to reach the largest GA to GF ratio in JHL history.

As much as they suck, it’s still loads of fun to watch 16-19 year old kids playing the game at it’s purest form. By that, I mean it’s fun to get piss drunk and watch them kick the s**t out of each other.

*”Dash for Cash” Premise: A ridiculous amount of white people are assembled on opposite sides of the ice. They run into the middle for a chance to grab as many $1 coins as they can. Generally, the fattest person succeeds in taking the prize due to their overally baggy outfits used to continue massive weight. Muffin tops always place second.

11 thoughts on “#1 Winter Hawks

    • Because they took their name from The Chicago Blackhawks (native tribe)…maybe do a quick google search before you let your idiocy show, you f**king dumbass.

      • This reply is comical. Jordan is so clueless about cultural appropriation it’s mind boggling. Since you’re so skilled at Google, look up how the Winterhawks have been the center of a campaign BY Native Americans to stop using racist logos. They fall in line with the Redskins and Cleveland Indians of backward f’ed up racist logos that need to be retired once and for all. Btw are you indigenous, Jordan? Yeah.. didn’t think so.

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  2. Number 1.
    Whiney Californians telling real Portlandians what’s wrong with our city.
    Don’t like the service? Don’t go there.
    Don’t like the MAX? Don’t ride it.
    Don’t like the city? Then piss the f**k off.
    I’m sure you can find somewhere a whole lot better. Hell, I’m sure there’s hundreds of large metropolitian cities that got all the kinks worked out.
    Why don’t you move to one of them.

  3. You know what else sucks about Portland? Whiney people who write super negative blogs about how they hate everything. Like , “OMG, I’m totally gonna change the world by bringing people down with my angst-ridden blog about all the things I hate.”

  4. Obviously this post is based on the suckie job done by the former owners JJ and J. I guess being rated in the top 10 in the CJHL doesn’t count. Get rid of Jerry Moss and Kelley Robinett and you’d have a premier Franchise again.

  5. I love hockey, and probably will go to several more games this season.

    But it’s just painful sometimes – the team does suck. 10 years ago, they won the Memorial Cup (Junior Hockey Championship), though.

  6. Don’t worry – the only thing worse than living in Portland is living in Seattle. This place is governed by the most incredulous bunch of half-wits to ever foul the Earth. Combined, they muster the cerebral processing power of a single dung beetle.

    Oh – by the way – the T-Birds suck a** too.

  7. What’s really sad is that once upon a time, the Winter Hawks were the premier franchise in the WHL. Now, they suck worse than Tonya in the honeymoon video…

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