Nothing is open 24 hrs…Not even 24 Hr Fitness.
Portland is the largest metropolis in Oregon. So, why are there so few options for night owls? And by night owls, I mean the drunken patrons that grace our fantastic assortment of dive bars and dance clubs. Munchies, alcohol, cigarettes and spicy spam macaroni. These options aren’t available after “normal people” hours.
If you’re looking for a grocery store that is open late, you’ll have to go out to one of the ‘burbs to find your frozen pizza pockets and organic chard. Granted, Sevies might be open, but you’re going to pay a bundle for the staples supplied. There are several late night options for delivery, but if Hammy’s has run out of dough (this has happened to me for realsy), you are S-O-L.
Jonesing for your beloved gyros from your favorite eatery? TOO BAD! It will not be open past 11:00 p.m. Yes, you can get crappy food from the walk-up window at McDonalds, but is that really sustenance? From recent memory, Ford’s, LeHappy and Montage are all open late and will serve with a smile. Credit these fine establishments for serving our late hour needs.
Yet, places that actually ADVERTISE they will be open 24 hrs, aren’t. If you try to go to the downtown 24hr Fitness, it won’t be open. Why? Because of the supposed lack of gym rats to warrant keeping it open late in the eve. Really? There aren’t enough anorexic PSU students to purge their pounds away? How are our Portland hipsters supposed to keep svelt? Skinny, black jeans don’t work on fatty!