#11 Nothing is Open 24-HRs

Nothing is open 24 hrs…Not even 24 Hr Fitness.

Portland is the largest metropolis in Oregon. So, why are there so few options for night owls? And by night owls, I mean the drunken patrons that grace our fantastic assortment of dive bars and dance clubs. Munchies, alcohol, cigarettes and spicy spam macaroni. These options aren’t available after “normal people” hours.

If you’re looking for a grocery store that is open late, you’ll have to go out to one of the ‘burbs to find your frozen pizza pockets and organic chard. Granted, Sevies might be open, but you’re going to pay a bundle for the staples supplied. There are several late night options for delivery, but if Hammy’s has run out of dough (this has happened to me for realsy), you are S-O-L.

Jonesing for your beloved gyros from your favorite eatery? TOO BAD! It will not be open past 11:00 p.m. Yes, you can get crappy food from the walk-up window at McDonalds, but is that really sustenance? From recent memory, Ford’s, LeHappy and Montage are all open late and will serve with a smile. Credit these fine establishments for serving our late hour needs.

Yet, places that actually ADVERTISE they will be open 24 hrs, aren’t. If you try to go to the downtown 24hr Fitness, it won’t be open. Why? Because of the supposed lack of gym rats to warrant keeping it open late in the eve. Really? There aren’t enough anorexic PSU students to purge their pounds away? How are our Portland hipsters supposed to keep svelt? Skinny, black jeans don’t work on fatty!

32 thoughts on “#11 Nothing is Open 24-HRs

  1. Oh yeah, and Denny’s, you know, “America’s diner that’s always open”? The one on MLK closes way early. Probably because if it didn’t it’d turn into a huge circlejerk after the crackhead employees wandered off to get high.

  2. Yes…..this is why I’m stuck at PDX at 3am…..why couldn’t the MAX run until 2 so I didnt have to sleep at the airport ? 🙁

  3. What does it matter?

    Portlandites go to bed at 9 pm. The adults are comatose and snoring by then although some of their nasty little brats are out committing crimes.

    The nasty little brats cannot drive and have no money to spend at businesses so there is still no one available to keep more than a handful of 24 hour businesses open. What, do you actually think you are in NYC or LV?

    Joke’s on you dude. You have landed in the land of boooooooorrrrrriiiiinnnnggg.

    • forte101

      NYC and LV aren’t the only cities in the US to have 24 hour businesses. LA, SF, Dallas, and of course Portland’s most hated city, the great city of Seattle.

      But you’re right, this is the land of boooooooorrrrrriiiiinnnnggg, all highway toilet stops are. Portland is only good for is for people heading to Seattle or LA, to stop, take a s**t and leave. Why do you think the Wilamette is always polluted?

  4. There IS A 24 hour grocery–WINCO. There is one on NE 102nd between Halsey & Glisan, across from Gateway Freddy Meyer. Close enough to MAX station if you are transportationally challenged. All WINCO’s are open 24 hrs, except closing for a few hours on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

  5. The Safeway on Woodstock is also 24 hours, as are the QFCs on Broadway and Burnside (the former stops selling alcohol at 1am, however).

  6. Yes, Portland does shut down after, um, ten or so. But why has no one mentioned Javier’s on Vancouver and Lombard? Is North Portland scary? Because not getting awesome burritos at four in the morning is.

    • 1. NoPo isn’t scary; just boring.
      2. I’m guessing that your late-night foray involves driving somewhere- I’m not going to be able to sate my late-night fix by walking out the door a few blocks, eh?
      3. Burritos at 4 am…. this is your idea of a ’24-hour city’?
      I already know your answer: “Portland isn’t NY!” Right? Well, then Portlanders need to stop making all their indirect references to The City that NEVER Sleeps!!

  7. Subway off 99W is open 24 hours a day….and they deliver too. There is no other Subway in town that does either…geez…whats with that?

  8. TAPTS:
    it’s Saturday night -in a town supposedly with a ‘music scene’- AND THER AIN’T ONE DECENT SHOW TONIGHT!
    it’s the pacific NW, winter and rainy… but everyone is freaking out because nobody is equipped to deal with large volumes of rain, so everything is flooding. In the pacific NW… a temperate RAINFOREST!

  9. Conviencience stores/Denny’s,etc don’t count. Places that matter do. If you go to a place like suburban Clackamas- which is even worse- the whole place is closed by 10 pm. I moved to Vegas (speedbump city) where there is an abundance of 24 hour everything- grocery stores, pools, real restaurants, Hell public transportation runs round the clock! Portland is BS and as far as I’m concerned only emergency services is opened 24/7 there.

  10. Its funny about Walgreens. Their TV ads are always all “Many open 24 hours”. HAH!

    BTW, little 24-hour mom-and-pop mexican places that all mysteriously have identical menus (the staple of which being the Oregon Burriton) but claim to be unrelated to each other don’t count. Sharis, who jacked their prices through the god damn roof with the advent of $4 gas—and do not intend to lower them now that gas is coming back down—don’t count, either.

    Leif: Convenience stores don’t count — those are places that go without saying.

    To blog author: Portland is still better for this kind of thing than Crap-vallis, where I’m at. Leif’s list has some good examples of places, well, the ones that haven’t been debunked in later comments.

    Corvallis is the Town That Dreaded Sundown. And there’s a UNIVERSITY here, too, for s**t’s sake.

    • DEAR BUSINESSES! UPDATE YOUR WEBSITES!!!!!! I just tried to find a Walgreen’s that was open 24 hours, the 2 semi-close to me that were supposed to be open weren’t. Now I’m irritated and gave up. I even drove out to the Walmart in Happy Valley that was supposed to be 24 hours, guess they changed their hour and now close at midnight. I needed something that I can’t get at a convenience store or winco.

  11. not one pizza place is open past 12am in this city.. most cities will deliver til 2am… where i’m from thats the case…
    who doesn’t want pizza when belligerant…

  12. “Definitely a sleepy little burg, no wonder Seattle laughs at us!”

    Seattle is actually even worse in this regard, believe it or not.

  13. I can think of plenty of things I could need at 4 AM, that I can’t get, because this town has a bed-time.
    Then again, I’m a night owl.
    Which explains why I’m posting at 2:49 AM

  14. We could definitely use more twenty-four hour places in Portland. At least back in the day we had Quality Pies. Afaic, the first damn step has GOT to be buses that run later, at least until beer-thirty. TIGA on Prescott stays open pretty late some nights and the Walgreen’s on SE 39th is 24/7 but that’s a pretty pathetic couple of choices for a million person city. Even the stores at the Jubitz truck stop close at night. How cheesy is that?

    I’ll tell you this much. If anybody started a service to do all night takeout that was even halfway decent, I would order from them at every possible opportunity, especially at 4:00 a.m., simply to encourage them to keep doing it.

  15. Methinks TAPTS should research all of this, come up with a definitive list, sell is for a high price to a begging/wanting/pleading Merc. Losers that they are, can’t do their own work…

  16. Voodoo isn’t 24. It’s something like 9pm-5am (guessing), so it does the overnight shift, but it doesn’t do the daytime.

  17. I’m pretty sure Nob Hill Pharmacy is no longer open 24 hours, since they got their liquor license a couple weeks ago.

  18. You can get late gyros (at least Thurs-Sat) at Bertha’s on 49th and Hawthorne. I think that goes until 3AM.

    You can get late weekend food at Holman’s on 28th and E. Burnside.

    Is Denny’s on MLK not 24hrs?

    Other 24hr action listed above by Leif.

    What should stay open 24hrs? Really, the 24hrs is for the Dennys and Walmarts and all that mus-have-at-all-times-shopping America B.S. I would much rather have quality places that close at expected hours than mega-chains that stay open all the time.

    What do normal people need to be eating and/or buying at 4AM on a Tuesday? Sorry…

  19. Yes, this town is indeed lame. Having lived in other real cities like San Fran, Miami, Chicago, etc. you really notice it. It’s especially unusual for grocery stores to close! Even small town throughout most of America leave the grocery stores open 24/7. This town truly does shut down…

    But I must point out the inaccuracies here:

    The Downtown 24 hour fitness only closes Saturday night, it’s 24 hours the rest of the week, the other inner-city locations are open 24/7…

    There is no Starbucks in Old-Town, the one on Burnside just west of 405 is 24 hours

    Definitely a sleepy little burg, no wonder Seattle laughs at us!

  20. I think you must be high.

    Nob Hill Old Pharmacy on NW Glisan is open 24 hours. Ice cream, bagels, deli, etc.

    The Fireside on SE Powell is open 24 hours.

    The Original Hotcake House on Powell, I think? is open 24 hours.

    The Roxy is open 24, except on Mondays.

    QFC in Sellwood/Westmoreland is open 24.

    everyone knows Voodoo Doughnut is open 24.

    Voleur is open 24 on the weekends.

    The Tik Tok is open 24. It’s on 82nd or 83rd.

    I think Hammy’s pizza might still be open 24 hours, at least it used to be.

    Sesame Donuts in the SW is open 24.

    Portland Coffee House downtown is open 24.

    The Starbucks in old town is open 24.

    Plaid Pantry stores are open 24 hours. At least the one on SW 1st is.

    Peterson’s, the magazine / smokeshop on Morrison, is open 24.

    The Overlook (meh) is open 24.

    • Well, the Nob hill place is gone, the hotcake house is a s**thole with bugs, donuts aren’t even food, and what does PP have other than bums and frozen burritos? The rest of those places are so far out on the fringe that they’re a joke for anyone who actually lives IN the city. Sellwood? Get real!

      How about 24hr grocery stores? Gas stations? Ordinary food without hipsters and attitudes? This “city” is a freakin’ joke.

      Oh, and people who live and work primarily at night are pretty normal; all that s**t everyone takes for granted has to actually get done sometime! In Portland, where people live in a cloud of pretense and self-obsession, they probably assume some state assistance program makes it all happen.

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