Man and woman were made to bone. And apparently, Christians believe that women came from a man’s bone. But I digress. In this awesome town of Portland, there are many places to find a suitor to “connect” with. If you’re looking for such, Dixie Tavern is surely a place you should avoid.
A couple of years ago, someone from Concept Entertainment took a visit to the humble town of Spokane, WA. Spokane, known for its serial killers and delicious urban sprawl, is home to a sweet dance club known as the Trick Shot Dixie. TSD has a country vibe, a HUGE dance floor, and the appropriate VIP room. Girls would jump on the bar, shaking their booty to forget about their broken dreams and their child(ren) at home. Perfection. And by perfection I mean a bar you would expect in Spokane. Obviously, someone thought that this winning combination of sadness and booze would flourish in the Rose City, and Dixie Tavern was born.
If you mosey to the Tav on a Friday night you will be greeted by a cover charge and a line to wait in. In this line you will undoubtedly run into a least one bachelorette party ready and rarin’ and probably already wasted. They will provide annoyance/entertainment and possibly a penis-shaped necklace for you to wear. Upon gaining entrance, first thing you will experience is the stench of smoke and the odor* of douche bags. For some reason, Dixie Tavern attracts A LOT of dudes that want to congress (It’s a freaking congressional gathering of douches). Girls avoid the roving groups of desperate lads by huddling together. Afraid of the next overserved, awkward guy to hit on them, they decide to dance by themselves. Girl power! They will shake it on the dance floor, or on the bar, just to get away from the circle of pimply horndogs ogling them from the sidelines. If you are brave enough to venture to the bathroom area (conveniently and stinkily located right by the dance floor), in the women’s room you WILL find a girl crying/puking, and in the men’s room it is likely someone will be peeing while sitting down. The appropriate way to describe the scene at Dixie Tavern: remember your worst middle school dance, with less sexiness. Strangely Dixie’s advertises itself as a “Rock and Roll” establishment and along the back wall is a pretty impressive collection of rock posters. I guess this is to avoid any messy legal wrangling (pardon the pun) with Coyote Ugly.
Bottom line: Do dance remixes of Sweet Home Alabama and Don’t Stop Believing turn you on? If “yes”, you’ll love Dixie Tavern and you shouldn’t attempt the process of reproducing.
*Axe body spray