#43 Moped/Scooter Gangs

Driving south on SE 39th, I noticed something that made my jaw drop. It wasn’t someone lighting up a crack pipe or even a hippie walking around with just pasties… it was a massive gang… of moped riders. Very few things shock, or entertain me more than understanding the concept of a moped/scooter gang.

When I first learned that there were gangs of moped riders in Portland, I refused to believe the insanity. Instantly, my imagination conjured a bunch of effeminate men circling NW 23rd on their Vespas. But my ignorance would be corrected when I was introduced to my first “moped”.

A cool moped is basically a bike turned into a motorcycle. These mopeds are equipped with pedals in order to provide the ignition spark, and then a ridiculously tiny engine automates the pedaling process. Mopeds average a road speed of 25 mph with top speeds reaching 40-60 mph (depending on how tricked out it is). Due to rising gasoline prices, they are popping up everywhere. Who could blame them, as a moped can reach up to 120 MPG.

Now try to imagine a large group of Pabst drinking, Tattoo sporting, thrift-store wearing twenty-somethings riding* around on these mopeds striking fear into the hearts of middle class families everywhere. They do all the creepy initiation things which most gangs do (more along the lines of a typical Fraternity initiation). They believe in group unity and bonding rituals. They are also territorial, but not in a serious “will shoot you” way.

Puddle Cutters is by far the most organized gang with a deep and rich website. The others include cool names such as “Twist-N-Play“, the Orphans and los gatos gordos. Ultimately, these gangs will grow as the demand for community increases on the Eastside. Gas prices tend to divide cities and increase neighborhood/community involvement. I predict that moped gangs will take over Portland… driving very slowly on your daily commute.

*Scooter Gangs are more hipster than Moped Gangs

23 thoughts on “#43 Moped/Scooter Gangs

  1. Yup, it’s true The Puddle Cutters are AWSOME, As a member of a local scooter club I think you should keep putting out you personal attacks of PDX its good for business.

  2. I run a hipster gang and we get away with selling dope and crack just by acting laid back and having the stashes of weed hidden in our scooters. We run entire hipster and ghetto hoods just selling 1,200 to 2,400 thousand dollars worth in drugs.

  3. Uhm, sorry, but the Trad skins, Rude Boys and Mods were in Portland DECADES before hipsters or the internets! Rub your eyeballs, step outside into the light, and get a grip on the real underground culture, you hipster whine-a-be!

  4. You’re absolutely right to highlight these moped riding nob-ends for the nob-ends they are. If you’re on Facebook, feel free to join my group of like-minded moped-haters.

    It’s called “Moped Riders Are c**ks”. Because they are.

    Keep on hatin’

  5. I’m confused by the term “gang”. Doesn’t a gang kind of have to be a violent criminal organization? Are vintage car clubs “jalopy gangs”?

  6. I think it is absolutely hilarious that you think a bunch of hipsters ride scooters/mopeds. That could not be farther from the truth. s**t, most of these people have been riding scooters longer than the term “hipster” has existed and longer than the current invasion of “out of staters” who think they know everything about the sub-cultures in this fine city we live in. I agree with Mr. Doughnut. Thank you for providing one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. If only you knew….nah, mystery is a good thing.

  7. From a member of one of the scooter clubs you hate: THANK YOU! This is the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. And, the Cutters are freakin’ awesome! Bwahahahaha

  8. “Holy rotting corpses, Batman! Talk about the decline of Western Civilization…”

    Just let me sit back with a tall glass of TEOTWAKI and watch the world go by. How entertaining.

  9. here’s another thing that sucks about Portland….Blogs named Things about Portland that Suck.

    Within your Blogosphere, anyone trying to have any interests outside of being a wallflower and hiding behind some random a$$ blog must suck. I mean, why not hide behind some anonymous screen name and disparage anyone who has the guts to have a little fun?

    Have fun on yer internets….nerds.

  10. HA! Wuusys. They dont do s**t in P-Town. And it’s Twist N Play that runs that rally in the spring and the summer rally sucks.

  11. Mopeds are dangerously slow. The scooter and moped “gangs” are full of wimpy hipsters who think they’re so tough and cool because they ride 2 wheeled vehicles. Whoopdie Do! Scooter were originally designed in mind for women wearing dresses. They’re finally catching up with the rest of the world using alternative transportation.

  12. The scooter gangs have been around for years. My cousin is in the “Wussies” gang, and has the big back tattoo to prove it. If you want to see something crazy check out one of their rallies this summer with hundreds of scooters driving around town. I guess they’ve been permanently 86’d from Edgefield after an incident that happened a little while back. They are such badasses!

  13. Pingback: Puddle Cutters PDX » We Suck!

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