Not every girl can be born with respectable names like Samantha, Sarah or Susie. Maybe strippers were born with those names, but just rename themselves to Candy, Mercedes and Gypsy (also terrible American Gladiator nicknames). But for every sweet Candy, there are two other sour looking ladies that NEED TO GO!
Portland is known for its dearth of strip clubs. Along with the dearth of strip clubs, comes a dearth of strippers. It seems as if anyone west of the Mississip’ with a hoo-ha and a love of $1 bills has come to our fair city to shake her thang. Among the larger clubs in the Portland area, Sassy, A-Crop, Cabaret, Magic Garden, Mary’s Club and Devil’s Point come to mind for the most consistent flood of fuglies.
Any given night, you’ll be throwing Washingtons at your favorite Mercedes. You might enjoy her pole work, or the way she abuses the ground with insidious foot stomping. One song later, you come into contact with what can only be described as “The Ugly One”*. Is this a ploy by the management to make you hang on through a few more songs, hoping Candy will come back? Maybe force you to take it to the lap-dance area?
Stripping, in general, cannot be defined as an actual “career.” You do not get business cards. But ideally, there should be a certain level of professionalism. I understand that people face impossible situations and circumstances preventing a Vegas-like striptastic body. Knowing this, prevents me from enjoying that one girl named Gypsy (not the hot one, but the ugly version).
*”The Ugly One” ingredients (pick two):
Overly tattoed, too many piercings, waaay too skinny, stretch marks, a grandmother, drugged out/worn out, too much makeup, flat chested or National Geographic tits.