#52 Beaver Fans

What makes a true Beaver fan? Is it the buck teeth, big, flat tail (usually seen on I-5 on game days, hanging out of the trunk of Beaver fans’ cars – nice touch, guys), or are the only true Beaver fans the ones who go all out for “Blackout Reser” by painting themselves black from head to toe and offending local minorities?

Well, that has yet to be determined, but what is certain is this:

It’s not their fault.

When it comes down to it, Beaver fans don’t have a lot to work with.

First of all, the best options for entertainment in Corvallis, besides “Beaver Believing” are apparently Aquatics and the library, according to this website.

Let’s focus on the sports, though.

Starting with Basketball. The Beaver basketball team did get people talking 2007. The talk mostly consisted of the question “Is the Beaver basketball team the worst in the country?” ’07 standings left the Beavers at the very bottom, with a big 0 in the win column (18 in the lose column, in case that left you wondering). They did beat most of their opponents in some stats, though – mainly turnovers and missed free throws. The only thing Beaver fans could do was suffer through the season, holding their Beaver breath in anticipation of baseball and football season.

As for baseball, fine, you’re repeat national champions. In baseball. Congratulations. Little kids going out for Little leagues everywhere look up to you.

As for football, well, while the other teams concentrate on “little things” like trying to win the national championship bid and having their players qualify for the Heisman trophy, the Beaver football program concentrates on just one thing – trying to beat the Ducks.  The whole season is spent in anticipation of the Civil War, struggling through the beginning half just to gain some momentum for playing against the Ducks.  Sure, they came out on top in Autzen stadium last year, which some considered a major blow to the Ducks in this intense* rivalry.  It must’ve been exciting for them to count a win in a real stadium. Seriously – let’s talk about Potato Salad Stadium. Word has it they did a good deed when they recently donated their metal bleachers to the local high school so they could move into the world of real stadium seating. And that’s all thanks to funding from the fine folks at Reser Fine Foods.

…which brings us to this: all Beaver fans are true fans – because they are still Beaver fans, even after attending a Beaver sporting event.

*to Beaver fans

Beaver Fan Rebuttal

20 thoughts on “#52 Beaver Fans

  1. Seriously? Really..I just heard that…i live between Eugene and Corvallis.

    Yellow and green are lame? lol…Its HALLOWEEN EVERY GAME FOR OSU!

    Beaver fans-
    -Lifted redneck trucks
    -did i mention rednecks
    -Fans seem to “forget” the previous years record every year and only remember beating USC or the Ducks…selective amnishia
    -Are still not sure if the world is round…
    -Own newer farm equipment and guns..then vehicles..
    -Cant design there OWN logos..they have to look over the fence
    -They celebrate Halloween every game by strappin on the colors..

    Duck fans-
    -Dont ware sweatpants and boots with a cut off OSU shirt 2x too small so there gut hangs out on game day…
    -INVENTED The “O” logo..and we dont have to rip off other schools logos…
    -Don’t have to just root for TWO players
    -We have an entire TEAM, including DEFENSE.
    -WE accept our losses and dont pretend they didn’t happen and gear up next year to rip ur throat out…

    The Ducks have enough money to put there name on the side of a jet…

    The Beavers give there money BACK to the community by offering “Tail Gate Alternatives” such as…

    -Free dentistry (Voted least number of teeth per fan last 14 years running)


    -A Revolutionary Hooked on Phonics program that teaches the fans how to read the game day program… (Voted most illiterate fans in the nation 6 years running)

    Don’t tell me what Beaver and Duck fans look like…i live 30 min from each stadium. Beaver fans tend to be ignorant W/T..Duck fans seem to at least be “normal” people…Beaver fans are the running joke around here.

    I think we should all just hate USC….Maybe then we could all get along…

    • Haha, you live between Corvallis and Eugene and you are calling people IN Corvallis rednecks!? There is no area of the entire country that is more redneck than exactly where you live! You clearly know nothing about logo design or typography if you think that OSO “copied” U of O’s logo. You shouldn’t play that card when U of O stole a Disney character as it’s mascot! U of O has 2 school colors, Green and Yellow. Oregon State has 2 school colors, Orange and Black. U of O often wears all black uniforms with almost no green or yellow. Now who’s copying who?

  2. I don’t know what is up with this blog man but I have lived in bakersfield california for seven years and I can say for a fact that this town I reside in is a s**t hole indeed, the air is unbreathable (in fact we have the worst air quality in the nation).

    It is super hot in the summer( and I’m talking about heat over 100 degress every day for 120 days and people in portland are complaining about a few days of hot weather cry me a river) there is no urban planing to speak of in bakersfield and it never rains and I mean never and if you have allergies you can forget it, and there is nothing to do here and I mean nothing and if you are not ultra conservative forget about that too you do not belong here in this town the people in bakersfield have a zero lack of vision and racisim is to the extreme.

    I have lived and travled to over thirty countries and have even resided in vancouver washington for sometime and I can say this for a fact that portland is heaven compared to where I am at!!!!!! hell I would trade places with anyone in portland any day of the week if people hate portland so much move!!!!

    That is what I am doing because bakersfield sucks and perhaps maybe I will move up to portland, no where in the world is perfect yes the weather in portland is not all that great infact it is in the pits but at least it is better then constant smog 24/7 365 a year and you do have clean air and some forms of entertainment, and I don’t want to here crap about californian’s invading other states I will move to where the f**k I want this a free god damn country so live with it!!!!!!!!!!! portland here I come!!!!!!! and one last thing perhaps the guy that dictated this damn blog should come and live in this god for saken town of bakersfield that will teach him to appreciate portland for what it is.

  3. Also, the part about there not being anything to do in Corvallis is completely f**king true. The cops try to stomp out any nightlife that crops up. And that nightlife first has to get through the city council/officials, who are anti-business, even when its grassroots business.

    Potato Salad Stadium!!!! OH MY GOD!!! I thought I was the only person who called it that!!! LMFAO

  4. Ah the blackface incident. Some assholes put on afro wigs and cover all exposed skin with black paint. Don’t forget about the football player who tried to date a sheep from an OSU lab. Or the racist fight downtown several underage black football players picked with a marine at home on leave, at a bar in downtown Corvallis. (Marine was white, his girlfriend was black. Football players started s**t with them. She later said in the newspaper the racism only seems to come from black guys. Whites never care.)

    Fan f**king tastic.

    • No joke, pretty soon a new “minority” with orange skin will show up and start a hoopin and hollerin about being offensive. Then the poor beaver fans will have to swtich there colors to something else.

      Its called BLACKOUT! Not African-AmericanOUT!…people get over it..If there was a “WHITE OUT”…and everyone painted themselfs white, put on short blond wigs and those goofy trendy black rimmed glasses…i would laugh, for a couple days straight…

      The beaver football program has enough to deal with already, they dont need a fan revolt.

  5. Jason, after reading your incoherent tirade, I rest my case. Take my advice: the next time your mommy and daddy give you the kind of money they wasted on sending you to school, just run it through a tree mulcher. You’ll get the same results.

  6. Hey Jeff, good work, errr. You are so lame, I am pretty sure that the Ducks spanked South Florida last year and beavers beat Maryland, why aren’t those on your list? Sounds like you really follow football.

  7. He Ed, Good work. Now lets go ahead and look at bowls, which you have been to more of, so kudos on that. I guess the theme is typical of the Ducks football program – they cant win when it counts.

    Beavers (8-4 All time in Bowls)

    Sun Missouri W 39-38
    Insight Notre Dame W 38-21
    Las Vegas New Mexico W 55-14
    Insight Pittsburgh L 13-38
    Fiesta Notre Dame W 41-9
    Oahu Hawaii L 17-23
    Rose Michigan L 7-34
    Liberty Villanova W 6-0
    Rose Iowa L 19-35
    Pineapple Hawaii W 47-27
    Rose Duke W 20-16
    Pineapple Hawaii W 39-6

    Ducks (7-13 All time in Bowls)

    Las Vegas Brigham Young L 8-38
    Holiday Oklahoma L 14-17
    Sun Minnesota L 30-31
    Seattle Wake Forest L 17-38
    Fiesta Colorado W 38-16
    Holiday Texas W 35-30
    Sun Minnesota W 24-20
    Aloha Colorado L 43-51
    Las Vegas Air Force W 41-13
    Cotton Colorado L 6-38
    Rose Penn State L 20-38
    Independence Wake Forest L 35-39
    Freedom Colorado State L 31-32
    Independence Tulsa W 27-24
    Sun Southern Methodist W 21-14
    Liberty Penn State L 12-41
    Rose Ohio State L 7-10
    Cotton Southern Methodist L 13-21
    Rose Harvard L 6-7
    Rose Pennsylvania W 14-0

  8. Sid you are the lamest idiot I have ever seen on a sports blog. Go argue with your type of people. Your arguments have nothing to do with anything. Why do you try to come across as this highly educated person but you are stating replies that have nothing to do with this. Let me guess, you are one of those uncoordinated kids that always got picked last. You obviously don’t like sports, so go find somewhere else to blog with all the nerds. Do you even know what a counter trey is? I will give you a hint, it has nothing to do with a counter you eat on.

  9. For you Beavs with short term memory loss. A great footabll team is not based on the last 5 years. Here is the last 15 years. I would be more than happy too go back further…something about a couple decades of loosing seasons…hmmm

    2008 3-0
    2007 9-4
    2006 7-6
    2005 10-2
    2004 5-6
    2003 8-5
    2002 7-6
    2001 11-1
    2000 10-2
    1999 9-3
    1998 8-4
    1997 7-5
    1996 6-5
    1995 9-3
    1994 9-4
    1993 5-6

    Total: 123-62 66% wins – 13 of 15 winning seasons

    2008 1-2
    2007 9-4
    2006 10-4
    2005 5-6
    2004 7-5
    2003 8-5
    2002 8-5
    2001 5-6
    2000 11-1
    1999 7-5
    1998 5-6
    1997 3-8
    1996 2-9
    1995 1-10
    1994 4-7
    1993 4-7

    Total: 89-90 49% win – 7 of 15 winning seasons.

  10. All that money to become Beavers, and not a penny was spent on actually learning anything. You know, when someone finally starts a lemon law on educational institutions that requires them to stop putting out defective products, I’m looking forward to the recalls in Oregon.

  11. what a bunch of sheep lovin bitches we have a national championship and a program that is fully funded by itself two years ago osu had to borrow money from the state for their football program ….come on look at your history 1st ncaa b-ball championship ya a while ago but we got one,pac 10 tourney champ 2 osu-o shut up corn valley !!!!!

  12. what a bunch of sheep lovin bitches we have a national championship and a program that is fully funded by itself two years ago osu had to borrow money from the state for their football program ….come on look at your history 1st ncaa b-ball championship ya a while ago but we got one,pac 10 tourney champ 2 osu-o shut up corn valley !!!!!

  13. HEY JEFF! What a solid argument, you went back a whole 6 years to compare records which the Beavers lead by one game in the win column. Are you really this stupid? Do you honestly think we won’t gain the lead in the win column this year? This stat will be irrelevant in the next couple games. You obviously didn’t think this through very well. But then again you are excited to sit in seats high schools have had for ten years lol. You are the jealous little brother though so go home and cry to mommy, here’s a tissue.

  14. Comfy seats who needs them? Who sits down to watch a football game? I guess duck fans do.

    Have you ever tried Reser’s Potato Salad? It’s delicious.

  15. National Championship? Heisman? How many have you won of each? 0! OSU has a Heisman winner. Typical Duck posting, no logic. You think you are battling for a National Championship every year? Wow! Wow! I don’t know what to say besides you are completely whacked – you know you are not supposed to smoke patchouli, right?

    Here is PROOF that OSU has a better football program. ESPN stores schedule results back to 2002, and I am sure you are going to say you almost won the National Championship in 2001 and went 11-1, well OSU almost did the same in 2000 and went 11-1. Good try. Suck on this Duck nerds:

    2007 9-4
    2006 7-6
    2005 10-2
    2004 5-6
    2003 8-5
    2002 7-6

    Total: 46-29

    2007 9-4
    2006 10-4
    2005 5-6
    2004 7-5
    2003 8-5
    2002 8-5

    Total: 47-29

    • Duck nerds…lol…hahaha thats good. Really. If you read above your “Proof” is irrelevant. You went 11-1 by playing terrible teams and getting the ducks on a bad day.

      So revel in your selective memory, the “Civil War” bowl is the only bowl game u’ll play in this year…

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