#67 Lakers Fans

n19709813_33469515_8173To all my friends, family and coworkers who are from the State of California,
I’m sorry to confess:

I’m a Californist.

My heart has learned to open up a little and become more open minded to people from California. Your views and tanned skin might be a different than mine, but I accept your existence. I understand that you moved to Portland because of our affordable living. Portland needs a little tweaking to be perfect in your eyes, and I accept the contributions you’ve made to our State. What irritates the $@%* out of me is how quickly you resort to a “Better-Than-You” attitude when the LA Lakers come to town.

Since the 80′s, we’ve had to put up with you snotty Laker fans due to their yearly visits during the NBA season. But it was in the 90′s that the Los Angeles Lakers and Portland Trailblazers were also consistently facing each other in the playoffs that the Lakers’ fan became really super ultra douchey. Enter the 2000 Western Conference Finals.

Down by 13 in the fourth quarter of Game Seven in the Western Finals, Portland suffered the greatest collapse in NBA history. “Kazaam” led his team to the improbable win. The Lakers would become NBA Champions for the first time since 1988. It was the beginning of two great teams going in two completely opposite directions.

Recently, the Lakers haven’t had much to look forward to in Rose Garden Arena. Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson blame the weather for its impact on the Lakers’ recent performances here. They have not won a game here in the past four years.

As if their performance wasn’t a claim to lame, their California transplant “faithful” are. You can spot them a mile away.

  • 24-Hour Fitness gym rat who wears yellow and purple shorts
  • Orange skinned girl wearing a pink Lakers jersey at Buffalo Wild Wings
  • Fat guy wearing #24 at pretty much any Portland home game

So you recently moved to Portland from California? Do yourself a favor and leave your LA Lakers gear at home. Stop being that guy/girl. You are openly giving us two visible reasons to hate you.

12 thoughts on “#67 Lakers Fans

  1. To all Lakers fans, playoffs are coming. I know that there isn’t a place in Portland that will focus on nothing but Lakers playoff coverage so Society bar/lounge/nightclub will be throwing big parties for every single playoff game, with nothing but Lakers fans. So come in and enjoy a beautiful Laker game at Society.

    204 SW Yamhill St
    Portland, OR 97204

    any questions call me at (360) 989-7067 my name Erick Maya

    hope to see you there.

  2. Hmmm…sounds to me like another geographically illiterate Oregonian who, due to the miserable and ill-funded education system here in the Beaver State, believes that all of California is all L.A., all the time. Perhaps this is akin to thinking that New York City IS New York state. Anyway, so sorry to have to burst your California bubble, but let me tell you about my (adopted) hometown. I come from a place called Colfax. It’s kinda like that wonderful fictional town of Mayberry, N.C….where folks actually wave at you and smile. When’s the last time you tried doing that here in good ol’ PDX? The last time I did, the person looked at me like I was nuts. Musta been from L.A. Or maybe Seattle. But the next time you hear “California” and “the Lakers” in the same sentence (or thought), just remember that even us Northern Californians hate their tanned bodies and nasty attitudes…and let’s not even mention their damned “perfect” basketball team! Oh, and BTW, since a few of you are thinking, I’m sure, “If you like Colfax so damn much, why don’t you just move back there?” Well, sure, no problem…I’d love to get outta this s**thole. Got $5,000.00 I can borrow?

    • I have family in Nevada City, CA so I know that area. Its fun to visit (gold mining-related attractions, historic buildings, etc) but I’d never live there. Never.

      And surpise, I grew up in Oregon and still live here, but I know full well California *isn’t* just LA. And I sure as f**k wouldn’t want to live in Mayberry. Nothing but a bunch of straight, white people as I recall. :P

    • All you blazers fans need to call the wambulance and quit crying. The fact you take time out of your inbreed lives to rip on a team that does better that yours… WOW….. Everyone else in the world says “Oregon, where the men are men and so are the women” Inbreed f**ks need to learn how to drive in the rain. It rains a lot, you would think people would get use to it. Unless your Dad is your cousin too.

  3. I’m from L.A and dont even like Basketball lol. At least Im not from Gresham, Oregon City, Sandy, Troutdale, Hlllsboro, Vancouver…or wait most of the cities around here. It’s not so bad being Californian after all. Why? Because we can leave.

  4. Adam Carolla had a segment he’d do occasionally on his radio show titled Are You Smarter Than A Lakers Fan? Kind of self-explanatory. Yikes

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