#72 Beer Snobs

West Coast Brew Fest 2008 set2 (1)As I sit here looking at these two beautiful Laurelhurst and Lompoc pints of beer, I harken back to the days of my first microbrew. It was a delicious Black Butte Porter on the day after my first Fall term final. My friend advised me about the taste and how it would change my life forever. Sipping each chocolaty/soy-saucy drop led me down the road of dark, thick beer. This single moment made me realize that I could never go back to drinking crappy PBR. Of course, beer pong would change all that, but my mind was now open to the idea of paying $8/six pack of beer.

Now that I saw the big picture through the bottom of a microbrew glass, I wanted to taste more… I needed to taste more. Brew fests, Blues Fests, Easter Beer hunts, brewery tours, even at one point I tried to brew my own stout (It tasted like mud water). Throughout these micro-adventures I would be introduced to a group of people that deserve their own classification.

Beer snobs are much like your Portland hippie. They live to be free from the social norms established by society. Five shirts, three cargo shorts/pants and Keen footwear is all they need for their wardrobe. No matter the environment, their thick husky beards will protect them from any weather. Although most of them are large bears, some have taken a liking to outdoor sports. Their motto: “Dead Guy is always served best after a hike on Dog Mountain”.

However, NEVER confuse the beer snob with a wine snob. Unlike wine snobs, who are usually rich and affluent, beer snobs thrive on having a unique taste unlike any other human on this planet. One could be an executive of an interactive agency in town. Another could be a Hood River ski bum. No matter what their background, they will forever argue about which organic beer is better. So what’s the only thing they can agree on? Light beer was created by women, for men.

Since BBP first hit my lips, I’m proud to say I love microbrews. I’m pretty sure I’ve been to more microbreweries west of the Mississippi than 75% of the American population. But most days, I couldn’t even imagine drinking a Blackfoot Bitter. All I want is a cool, cold refreshing Coors Light on my front porch. So to you Mr. Beer Snob, I could care less that I’m drinking a wussies beer. I may not share your unique taste, but at least I don’t share your smell.

17 thoughts on “#72 Beer Snobs

  1. It’s all the same after you’re drunk. You can only be a beer snob if you brew you’re own, otherwise, you’re basing your superior individualism on something somebody else made and marketed.

  2. Not a beer drinker I only like mixed drinks yes they are pricey but they are worth it give me a white russian any day of the week with some good vodka.

  3. How big are the beers in your six packs? I live in Canada, and I pay 12-13 dollars for a six pack. The only beers that are 8 dollars are the sludgiest of the sludges.

  4. @Ryan Lol… sorry there needed to be context to my comment. In college I would drink 1 to 2 750Ml bottles of belgian ale, go to sleep at around 1-2AM and then get up at 6am and jog 2 miles without suffering the effects of a hangover. I’m quite an experienced drinker actually and can cite a number of reasons for avoiding shit beer.

    • …a 750ml bottle of European beer? Where are you finding this? o_0

      I could probably do it but I’d be tired, not from the beer, but from the lack of sleep.

    • I like beer and liquor both. Just depends on what I’m in the mood for. Like its 9:39pm and its still 72°F outside. If I have whiskey tonight, its going to be part of a drink, i.e. an Old Fashioned.

  5. As a through and through beer snob I must say I find this characterization accurate and insightful. However in my experience, people who drink light ‘beer’ don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. You sir are evidently the exception.

  6. What is an Easter Beer Hunt? :o Do tell..

    “So what’s the only thing they can agree on? Light beer was created by women, for men.” Like Bud Lite? Or ‘light’ as in a lighter beer, i.e. a pilsner?

    You’ve stopped drinking microbrewery beer “these days”. Is it because of the economy? (Also, you mean you *couldn’t* care less.. because if you could care less, then you could still care. Yeah I’m a grammar cop. :þ )

    And Brandon, WTF was that supposed to mean? If you don’t drink, don’t fucking comment. I mean, really.

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