#75 Cell Phone Ban

The new, “No talky on celly when drivey” law has entered the c**kpits of our Toyota Priuses effective January 1st, 2010. Since I’m a super liberal hippie that uses Tri-Met rather than drive anywhere, I thought this was a fantastic idea! When I think of a world where drivers are acting more responsibly and forced to become aware of their surroundings, I believed that Oregon roads would become more safe. Then it finally hit me. People are selfish. A man running late to reach his daughter’s recital, will still text his wife in the middle of traffic. The “Woo Girl” can’t help but text the guy that she met at Aura on Friday night who was super cute and his friends were nice too… while rollin on Cedar Hills Boulevard. What will the cell phone ban really accomplish?

We have all heard about the UK transportation study in 2008 that showed texting is worse than driving drunk. The ban was specifically directed towards restricting a driver’s ability to use his mobile device, so they can focus on the road. I believe, the law was created to protect victims of motor vehicle accidents caused by a driver using his mobile device. Now, how in the world are you going to figure that out? “Yes, officer. He was texting which caused him to run that stop sign and T-bone me.” Stupid.

The real world applications of 3G phones are to provide more flexibility when we are away from the computer. Google Maps, GPS, Twitter, Facebook, Pandora, 4Square, Scrabble, the list of apps could go on forever. Some of these apps provide us with valuable information which improve our ability to operate our hybrids. This mobile ban has crippled the effectiveness of the motor vehicle operator. What’s wrong with being stuck in traffic and using your iPhone to find an alternate route?

This new law is a joke and an insult to good drivers everywhere. Bad drivers are stupid people. Stupid people will text that they are late to the club while driving after drinking five beers. West Linn soccer mom is still going to check her Facebook status while waiting at a stop light. A mid-30’s Vice President cannot help but check Twitter updates driving down the I-5 corridor in their tinted window luxury car. The State of Oregon has passed yet another law affecting all of the normal folks because of the actions by a few idiots.

12 thoughts on “#75 Cell Phone Ban

  1. Hiya! I’m one of your ‘scooter/moped hipsters’. Glad to know you think driving, unlike riding a motorcycle/scooter/moped that takes complete concentration and coordination, is uneventful, ordinary, and boring enough that hey; you’re special, you want to get out of traffic, you have skillz, don’t drive a car and only take the bus (uh, huh)- go ahead and put my life in danger so you can check your Gianola traffic updates and sport scores (you seem to like sports, which is in itself boring, granted). Stupid; how am I going to know you were frigging yourself reading Greg Oden updates when you murderously drifted into my lane? Because I will subpoena your cell phone records; that’s how, stupid. And you better hope you kill me when you do- it hasn’t been pleasant for drivers when this happens. Keep it up; maybe then you’ll come to appreciate your use of the term ‘scooter/moped gang’. “What’s wrong with being stuck in traffic and using your iPhone (LOL. ‘Hipster!’) to find an alternate route?” -Sorry to take the bottle away from the baby (you seem to feel life with mobile devices is a given- who’s the ‘hipster’ dochenozzle now?) but how do you propose to do that without taking your eyes off the road? Don’t you think it’s better to pull over to do that? And as for stupid people that necessitated this law ; guess you’re against seatbelt laws too. So what if they’ve saved a few lives of people you label ‘idiots’? Oh, and people who ‘can’t help themselves’ are ‘idiots’ too. Like you and the JailBlazers/Oden in various states of undress pics. Oh, and that traffic you’re stuck in? -You may thank me for my motorcycle/scooter/moped that alleviates same (I’ll count on your vote to legalize lane splitting in Oregon). You’re ‘crippled in traffic’ rationale leads to actual people actually being labelled ‘crippled in traffic’. See ya on the road, skag!

  2. I pray for a day when I observe some horrible or dangerous thing while driving and then…..do nothing.

    Dial 911? What? Sorry, if I can’t make a call when I want to make one then the hell if I’m going to report that drunk driver or accident.

  3. Where is the “all the above” option on the poll?

    Anyway, I’m totally against this law. The root cause of 98.7358 percent of all problems in the world today is too many people. Therefore, we should be trying to increase the number of ways people exit the mortal coil, rather than trying to increase safety, cure diseases, and invent life saving surgeries.

  4. I really hate having these babysitting sort of laws passed, but it’s not the worst one ever passed–I KNOW I’m driving horribly when I try to text my wife or friends. I just don’t care. I do it so little though, that I’m probably not going to reduce how much I do it because of this law. Whatever.

  5. Bitch bitch bitch. That’s all this blog is. If you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. Why don’t you try living in Detroit or Camden, NJ for awhile?

  6. You’d think eating would be banned, too. Nobody ever does studies on how many people have wrecked because they were oinking a burger, though. :|

  7. The worst for me is blond soccer moms, and also any girl in a Jetta.

    Also: Hands-free talking is still OK, and there is no ban on eating, or turning around to yell at your kids, soooo this probably won’t accomplish much.

    I think you’re right, and the people who caused accidents due to texting will find other ways to be irresponsible.

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