#78 Ru-dy!

There isn’t anything that unites Portland more than our Trailblazers. Over the past few years, I’ve tried not to touch the Blazers with TAPTS. I know they can do no wrong in the eyes of Portlanders. But after the 2009 series and the one unfolding in front of their eyes, I have developed a deep and longing sports hatred* towards the 24th pick in the 2007 draft. For those of you who aren’t big sports nuts, let me describe this type of hate.

Sports hatred isn’t like real hatred. Its an extreme dislike for a sports team, coach or player that usually pisses you off so much that it turns into fake hate. With sports hatred, you get that hot feeling in your stomach but aren’t going to go on a killing spree. You’ll say you wish they would’ve died in that motorcycle accident, but if they actually broke their neck in a game… you’d feel terrible for them and their family (on a side note, you still LOL when they get a six game suspension for being a huge douche bag). For the female readers who don’t like sports, this is very similar to Snooki Hatred and Annoying-Drunk-Girl Hatred.

I sports hate Rudy Fernández. As the 2010 Playoffs unfold, my eyes are focused on the utter destruction that he has caused this team. He can’t block, shoot, pass, defend, dribble, or do anything consistently. Since he became a starter for the 2010 Playoffs, it seems like he doesn’t even want to be a part of this team. The shot selection and attempts are disgusting. To watch Rudy defend against pick and rolls, high screens or J-Rich makes me furious. During Game 3 of the 2010 Playoffs, I wanted to rip my hair out and punch a small, but fixable hole through the wall. TAPTerS, I’m so angry because I know Nate McMillan isn’t about to switch to Bayless.

When it was announced Roy would be unable to play in Round 1, the entire city looked to Rudy as a beacon of hope. We ignored his awful playoff’s debut in 2009. There were flashes of brilliance in the NBA, but more so in the 2008 Olympics against the 3rd greatest NBA All-star team ever. Fernández showed us he could be a star. It was his turn to prove that deserved more minutes. The “I ♥ Rudy” tshirts were going to fly off the shelves. Portland believed it was his time. After game 3, Rudy’s time is up.

Here are what readers are saying about the guy we traded Chocolate Rain for:

Artistic hipster who is built like an outside lineman “Step up… or get out…”

Asian who eats for four “Where were you Rudy? / We could have used you early. / Step up amigo.”

Kinda looks like Brandon Roy “I can’t even talk about Rudy. That’s how he makes me feel”

Recently transplanted to Southern California “I am 1000 miles away but for some reason it is obvious to me but not Rudy that he cannot make a fade away shot, but he is dead on jumping straight up or forward. So everytime I see him throwing up that off balance crap it makes me cringe. He has no game inside the 3 point line, he takes too many risks in his passes and on defense. Sit back by the 3 point line and shoot those 3s monkey”

Fiery Daywalker (Redhead that can tan) “Didn’t want to watch it”

*In soccer**, Sports Hatred is real hatred.
**I don’t speak Spanish.

6 thoughts on “#78 Ru-dy!

  1. Go fuck yourself, if you dont like Portland than keep it to yourself, instead you have a blog and probably 5 friends, good luck in life I’m sure its going to suck

  2. The Trail Blazers, the NBA in general, really sucks the fat one. I never understood the obsession of sports fans. Why support these clowns? They make millions upon millions doing nothing while 50% of America lives paycheck to paycheck (or have no check at all). It’s disgusting.

  3. I think he really doesn’t want to be on this team to be honest. Also, the hate I have for those drunk girls and Snooki is not fake hate – it is REAL. ;)

  4. The comment from “Asian who eats for four” seems like a haiku. Interesting. But seriously, when your basketball player has an open lane to the basket only to pass the ball at the last minute to a somewhat-covered 3-point shooter, you got problems.

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